Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sarcasm needs its own font
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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