My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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