My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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