but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Pooping to opera.
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