i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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