Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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