i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize