I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
