the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
