I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
