how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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