i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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