I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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