Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize