I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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