Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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