Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
