Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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