I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
