My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
