Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
