i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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