My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
