ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize