I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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