I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
