i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize