Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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