Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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