Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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