Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
