I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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