yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
