I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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