you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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