i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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