I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
