The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
