My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
