she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize