come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
