Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
