it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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