i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
