at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
