just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
