wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
