I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
