How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
