i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
