Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
