I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
