i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
