i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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