hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
