We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
