You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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