ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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