Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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