omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize