I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize