I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
