Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
