i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
