Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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