a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
