Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
